When you find out you are pregnant, and it’s something that you are happy about, a point of fear you may have to walk through is the fear of having a miscarriage. Miscarriages happen often, and this is a more prominent concern for many women now that pregnancy tests can give a positive result much earlier in the pregnancy, when the likelihood of spontaneous miscarriage is still high.
“Experts” say that the first trimester or so is the time where a miscarriage is most likely to happen – and some pregnant women are never really “out of the woods”, depending on their age and any genetic predispositions or medical conditions they may have. This 12-14 week waiting period can quickly build a small thought or worry about miscarriage into a full blown paranoia and dread.
After I found out I was pregnant – the thought definitely came up in my mind that it was possible that I could have a miscarriage. I saw for myself how the miscarriage paranoia can begin to develop as I looked through the TTC forums and read other women’s stories. Some of these women became so stressed and worried that every little symptom was an indicator that they would miscarry, they literally got to the point where they could not stop thinking about it and created stress-related illnesses and anxiety.
When I realized that this was a concern in the back of my mind – I supported myself by investigating miscarriage further and then taking myself into worst case scenarios to see how I would face the reality of a miscarriage. Miscarriage happens most often in situations where there are chromosomal defects in the fetus, and is the body’s way of rejecting the development of a child that would have severe problems upon birth. Some miscarriages are also the body’s way of protecting the mother from trauma that she would not be able to handle if the baby was carried to term. Other miscarriages cannot be fully explained – but are ultimately the body’s way of dealing with something that is out of balance.
Realizing this reality, I supported myself to see that a miscarriage in some situations is actually better for both mother and baby – sometimes the miscarriage is necessary. This is not a “fun” fact to face – but once I faced this reality – it was much simpler for me to embrace and enjoy my pregnancy, the time that I did have with a baby growing inside of me. Again – it was helpful to have first faced my belief that I may never get pregnant at all (which I talked about in my last blog) – because if a miscarriage did occur, then I am grateful I had the opportunity to be pregnant even if for a short time.
This process doesn’t necessarily “protect” or stop any feelings of sadness or emotion if a miscarriage was to occur, but that’s not the point. The point is to stop dwelling in a paranoia about miscarriage while you are pregnant, because that in itself is creating a physical imbalance and stress your body.
There are some practical things that have been linked to increased chances of early miscarriage – which I took into consideration during my research and supported myself practically to avoid/not participate in (drinking alcohol, taking certain medications, drinking caffeine, etc…).
So – when it comes to investigating and researching miscarriages – the key for me was to keep it practical, take in the supportive information, forgive myself for the fears and worries that came up, and remain grateful for the time that I do have to experience a new life growing inside of me.